Okay, so life update to all those who have time to read journals (because I know I never do).

So, well. . . life is crazy confusing/ complicated. Nobody around me can seem to make sense of me, nor can I for that matter. My choices and actions as of late have completely defied attributes that are fundamental to my character. I’m not particularly sure who I am or what my personal identity is. I know that sounds really cryptic, I apologize. I’ve been through frequent emotional changes and it’s really hard for me to understand everything that’s going on. Most all of the problems I have are of my own making and I’m doing the best I can with what I got to resolve or deal with them. I think counseling might be a wise choice for me right now. My parents have been talking about taking me to see somebody for a while now, but what with the holiday season coming up, they have other things to look after. There is just some much stuff going on around this time of year then you add in all the expenses of gift buying and it just can loose control rather quickly. I can’t image being a parent. I seriously wouldn’t know how to cope.
So, basically, I’m going crazy, or something of that nature. It’s me. All I can seem to do lately is hurt the people close to me, disappoint the ones who have always been there for me. I’m a total hypocrate and I just don’t know what to do. I have a lot of options, but none of them are ones I am willing to actually take. That’s what’s frustrating everyone around me. I could probably fix the situation, but I’m not because of some godforesaken pride or something of the like. I just want everything to work out so badly.

I don’t know. I guess I just . . .



I’m sorry.